Eight years ago, to this day, I wrote about an insight I’d been told over and over that finally sank in, “Concerning yourself more with the goal than enjoying the process is missing the point.” Little did I know then that applying this insight to happiness would change my life.
If happiness is the goal, then fun is the process.
In my upcoming book, “The Fun Habit,” I’ve labeled time we waste as feeding “The Nothing.” This is not an ode to The NeverEnding Story; instead, it was chosen because The Nothing is a common thematic term that kept coming up repeatedly in my research. For instance, Einstein stated, “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.” For Einstein, you either see nothing, or you see miracles.
And although “The Nothing” is a consistent theme, the other side of the spectrum—the place where fun lives—seems to lack consensus. Einstein calls it “Miracles.” Alan Watts calls it a “Musical Thing” (discussed in the aforementioned newsletter eight years back). In a great TED Talk by Thandie Newton, she calls it the “Otherness.”
During this quarter’s life experience, while on a self-reflective retreat, I met someone who refers to these moments as “The Mystery.”
All of these are terms for the feeling we get when we are connected to another person or another thing. And that connection, that relationship, delivers us to awe, wonder, and joy—a sense of pleasure that is outside ourselves. These moments free us from the burden of making sense of the emotion we feel or why we even feel in the first place. These moments are simply … well … really fun.
What do you call this?
I’d really like to know. Do you have a special word or term for this sense of connectedness? Please tell me in the comments section below.
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett is a leading researcher and author in psychology and neuroscience. She is one of the most-cited scientists in the world for her discipline. Her TED Talk on emotions is nearing six million views. Her latest published book, “Seven and a Half Lessons About the Brain,” is available now. Our interview about emotions, affect, and fun can be found here.
Dr. Jordan Etkin is a researcher and Associate Professor of Marketing at Duke University. Her recent research evaluates how tracking aspects of behavior affect the enjoyment we derive from tracked activity. She has been featured in Fast Company, the New York Times, and the BBC. Our interview about the folly of tracking activity can be found here.
As I alluded in the opening section, this quarter’s life experience was a solo retreat to the Well of Mercy. A really cool hidden gem in the middle of North Carolina. My mom is really sick, and I cannot visit her because of COVID, so I really just needed a day off from 2020—free from trying to solve problems, incoming information, or trying to make sense of anything. It was a lot of silent reflection, something I find uncomfortable. And, as such, something I probably should do a lot more.
This quarter, there were a lot of great opportunities for contribution. I charitably gave to the Sumo 50, Burning Man Project, Unicorn Charity Club, SDM Cancer Relief Fund, Surfrider Foundation, Assistance League of San Luis Obispo County, and the London Business School Community Toy Drive.
However you define the joy and connectedness you feel when you have fun with your favorite people, favorite activities, or in many cases, both! Whatever word or term you give it … I wish you a LOT of it in 2021.
Time to put a fork in 2020 and send it packing.
Yours in fun,
Mike Rucker, Ph.D.